There’s a point in the Netflix Series From Scratch, when Amy gets it. She was in the hospital, and she realizes that all of the tests and procedures weren’t going to save her husband. He was dying. Her soul mate. The father of her child. The man she’d chosen to do life with. They were not going to grow old together. He was dying.
If you’ve seen the popular Netflix series from Scratch, then you know if doesn’t make sense that Lino would die. It’s based on the true story of a young artist who studies in Italy and falls in love with a chef. They’re young. They’re happy. They have a family. Not only does his dying not make sense, it feels unfair. How do you come to terms with losing someone you love?
Grief Counselor Dr. Cecelia Jones Yopp has been transparent in her own journey of loss. Like the character Amy she also lost her husband too soon after years of marriage. She said your mind has a hard time accepting the death of a spouse. The therapist said in our society we’re taught we must be strong.
“I didn’t know what to do other than remain in the trap of the myths about grief we have been socialized to believe: that I should be strong, that I should just stay busy, that in time my sadness and heartache would be healed, that I should isolate when I was feeling bad. Because, as a society we are not properly prepared to handle grief,” said Yopp.
Instead she said those who are experiencing loss need a safe place to share their feelings.
She went on to say, “death of a spouse, or loss of any kind for that matter, is not something you can put in a neat little box and “deal with” or necessarily make it make sense because as John James (founder of the Grief Recovery Institute) said , ‘grief is a conflicting mass of human emotion that is the result of an unresolved grieving experience.’ “
In the last episode there’s a scene where Amy is in the bathtub and she’s crying and her mother and stepmother desperately try to comfort her. Later we see her in bed barely able to move. Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. If you have a loved one who has lost someone no doubt you want to help. Yopp said the best thing we can do for those who are in pain is to listen. Don’t tell them not to cry. Instead just be present for them.
As for the one who’s grieving she said it’s important to take steps to help resolve unresolved issues. For some that could mean forgiveness.
Towards the end of the series we see Amy and her daughter go to Italy. She promised she’d take her late husband’s ashes there. Watching we know Amy is on a different part of her journey. We feel that we can finally exhale a bit after all we’ve watched her endure, and somehow we know she’s going to survive.
*Dr. Cecelia Jones Yopp is a grief recovery therapist. She’s works with patients online. Dr. Yopp recommends anyone whose hurting to read the Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman.